thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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