dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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