My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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