She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
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I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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