when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My vagina just recognized that song.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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