It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
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you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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