Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
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I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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