those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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