i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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