Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize