So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have fence marks all over my body
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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