lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize