im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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