Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
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I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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