just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
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Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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