We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
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The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just want to make out with him forever
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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