So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
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Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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