Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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