I feel like I'm in dance class right now
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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