Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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