Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
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You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize