I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize