apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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