Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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