No more Irish car bombs ever.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
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My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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