It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
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I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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