Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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