I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
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Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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