So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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