I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
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I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
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Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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