Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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