dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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