The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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