4 words: hood of his car
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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