At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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