you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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