Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
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If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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