A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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