i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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