haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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Clothes are such an inconvenience.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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