So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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