Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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