If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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