It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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