you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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