Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize