so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
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Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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