You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
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there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
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someone needs to name a hurricane after you
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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