You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
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I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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