Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Fuck appropriateness.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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